


what's love got to do with it?

by sten06



Series: Time After Time - Reigncorp Series [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Flashback sick days, Lena is so warm and comforting, Present day canon, and sam is an angel, grad school, lena tries so hard, she loves sam so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-26 21:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14410677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: present day: lena is trying to figure out what's wrong with sam as time seems to be running out; flashback: it isn't the first time lena has taken care of sam. lena finds out another one of sam's secrets and swears to protect her.





	what's love got to do with it?

**Author's Note:**

> more self-indulgent grad school reigncorp comin at ya! this ties in current canon (lena trying to figure out what's wrong with sam) with their past. flashback to the time sam tells lena the truth about herself and lena swears her loyalty. 
> 
> don't get hung up on the timeline because, like the SG universe, age means nothing and time is an illusion. its up for interpretation and i'm not worried about it. i will say, though, that this piece takes place BEFORE the karaoke scene in careless whisper (which you should read!). just for reference. 
> 
> also thanks to the BTS scene pic that came out today for validating my entire life. bless.

_“Hey, you’ve reached Sam’s phone, you know what to do!”_

“Hey mom, it’s me. Mrs. Queller told me I had to call you before we rent Jurassic Park even though I told her _it’s fine_.” Ruby huffs on the other end of the line. “So can you please just text that it’s okay? Thanks….” There’s a beat of silence and then she continues, a softer, smaller voice taking the place of the confident one only seconds earlier. “I hope your trip is good. I miss you. Ok, bye!”

Lena plays the voicemail again, holding the phone tenderly, half expecting it to come alive and scold her for snooping. Ruby’s voice echoes through the lab, her sweet naive innocence almost too grating for Lena’s ears. She glances over to the bed in front of her, where for a split second she tricks herself into thinking that Sam is awake and eyeing her with a conspiratorial smile, the one she gets when she knows Lena is being shady. That would be a welcome alternative to the sight that Lena is left with. Instead of Sam’s witty banter and snappy grin, there’s nothing but cold medicinal silence and the whirring of manufactured electricity. Sam is hooked up to several monitors that beep periodically as they take various measurements. She looks more like parts of an engine than an actual human being, and it all seems so wrong, like the way Picasso would paint a portrait, where features are distorted and nothing is quite believable. Her eyes flutter as she continues to sleep, and Lena twists her lips as she studies her.

“When you wake up, please be Sam,” Lena exhales, the words trembling on nervous lips. She isn't religious, but now would be a great time for the gods to lend a friendly ear.

_Please be you._

She doesn’t deserve this, Lena berates herself, as if she is the one to blame. She isn’t, but the guilt lodges itself in her throat and swells to twice the size, absorbing every ill feeling she’s ever had and using it to fuel its power. Sam should be smiling back at her, with those big doe eyes, and she should be making her stupid mom jokes that aren’t _really_ funny, but make Lena laugh anyway simply because it’s Sam. No one can tell a lame joke like Samantha Arias, and that’s a scientific fact. Instead, her friend -- Lena cringes at the term. Her ex-girlfriend? That somehow makes it worse -- is lying in a medically induced coma, completely helpless, while Lena tries to find the cure for something she isn’t sure she can solve.

Lena shakes her head and forces herself to concentrate. She knows this is wrong, but she can’t afford to have Ruby worrying about her mother on top of everything else. She flips to Ruby’s name in Sam’s phone and fires off a text. 

“Sure sweetie - have fun. Miss you too. Xx”

Lena lets out a breath and replaces the phone in Sam’s purse, before punching in some more notes in her iPad and proceeding to check her vitals. 

 _“I’m going to make you better_ ,” she had declared, looking into Sam’s startled face after she blacked out in Lena’s own office. _“I promise.”_

“I promise,” Lena repeats, placing her hand over Sam’s and giving it a light squeeze.

Xxxx  

_“Hey, you’ve reached Sam’s phone, you know what to do!”_

Lena pulls the phone away from her ear with an exasperated sigh, staring at the call log in confusion as she presses ‘End’. She smirks and shakes her head.

“Yeah, I know what to do,” Lena grouses to herself as Sam’s name flashes back at her, the timer taunting her cheerfully before disappearing. She glances around at the throng of people loitering in the hallway, all blissfully distracted with headphones in or heads in books, not paying her any mind. No one notices. Nobody at all, because the one person that always does, isn’t here.

Lena is used to feeling practically invisible. It’s the default when standing next to her mother, or cowering in the insurmountable shadow that her brother seems to cast. Sure, sometimes it bothers her, but there’s a certain comfort in flying under the radar, dodging prying eyes, and fully exhaling without retribution.

It startles her how she thought she would be attacking grad school alone, the way she attacks so many other things in her life, only to be dragged from the shadows by the comforting hands of someone so completely unexpected. Someone smart, and kind, and genuine -- who one day took a look at Lena and decided, “that’s the one.” She’s never been someone’s first choice, or favorite _anything_ , but Sam changes everything Lena thought she knew about herself. Now, she’s become so used to her friend’s presence that it feels like she’s missing a limb when Sam isn’t where Lena expects her to be: by her side, whispering a joke and squeezing her shoulder with the kind of look in her eye that always makes Lena feel especially seen. 

Her mother would call this behavior weak, and her brother would just shake his head and laugh. Lena has always been different from them, even if she tries so hard to fit into the mold they want her to be.

So when she stands in the hallway before her 8AM seminar, wholly alone in a sea of faces, she realizes for the first time that the silence doesn’t carry the same comfort it once did.

Most mornings, Lena can count on finding Sam here early, leaning against the wall outside of their classroom with a slow, knowing smile and two cups of extra hot coffee always made to Lena’s perfect specification: black, and scalding. It’s a hard order to get wrong, but the weird part about it is, Sam never asked. She just started showing up one day with two in her hand, giving Lena the decidedly more bitter of the bunch and grinning with satisfaction when Lena accepted it with a grateful inhalation. Since then, Sam has been Lena’s drink savior every Tuesday and Thursday, always carrying an extra cup despite Lena’s heavy insistence that it really isn’t necessary. Her refusal is always met with a roll of Sam’s eyes as she hands over the cup and begs her to take a sip on the condition that, _“you’re nicer when you’ve had caffeine.”_ In fact, the exchange has been so automatic that Lena doesn’t recall the last time she’s had to think about the alternative to her deliciously delivered dark brew. She starts to realize with dismay what Sam’s absence means.

She contemplates calling Sam again, really more out of necessity than anything else, but she suppresses the urge. It would be overkill, and besides, she doesn’t care _that_ much.

She doesn’t.

People miss classes sometimes. She’s just under-caffeinated, and this class is insufferably long without hot coffee and a mildly entertaining seatmate. A mildly entertaining seatmate who rarely just disappears without telling Lena several times where she’s going. Lena frowns and checks her watch, again.

It’s usually Sam calling _her_ on repeat, checking in before class and annoyingly reminding her to eat breakfast, scolding her in that voice she has -- _“seriously, Lena, you’re worse than a toddler!”_ \-- or offering something equally as blunt but laced with sincerity and care. Lena fights her, more for sport than actual disagreement, but she secretly revels in the fact that someone cares about her enough to bring up her well-being. The fact that Sam is radio silent -- and has been all weekend, come to think of it -- presents Lena with the daunting realization that it’s the first time she’s had to be in this class alone since she arrived on campus. It settles uncomfortably in her empty stomach, protesting loudly as if trying to resemble Sam and offer a piercing reminder that she also skipped breakfast.

Lena realizes with a start that she might actually _miss_ Sam. At least, if the unpleasant thought of going through labs without sarcastic commentary and having a full day without her friend’s lame jokes is any indication. She doesn’t want to stop and think about what missing Sam might _really_ mean, so she pockets her phone and heads into the dark lecture hall alone.

The class is insufferable and Lena’s attention wanes. She checks her phone repeatedly, but there’s no sign of Sam. The more she checks, the more agitated she gets. Her pencil drums against the desk nervously as she stares at the empty seat next to her, wondering why the silence is so distracting. Several classmates turn to look at her with annoyed scowls until she realizes that she’s the one causing the disturbance. She puts the pencil away with a sheepish smile and stares back at the clock.

As soon as she’s released, she reaches for her phone and punches re-dial.

 _“Hey, you’ve reached Sam’s phone, you know what to do!”_  

“Did you really sleep through your 15 alarms?” Lena asks into Sam’s voicemail. “Call me back!”

The science library is the one place on campus Lena usually finds solace in because the 5th floor is mostly empty at this hour. Today, however, it only makes things worse. She looks across the table at the empty chair, practically taunting her with Sam’s absence. She misses rolling her eyes at Sam’s annoying choice of music-- mostly tinny ballads from the 70s and 80s that are the _worst_ to try to study to-- and it only takes a few minutes before she has to look up songs on her own just to get them out of her head. She finds that she even misses the endless crinkling of snack wrappers that always start to pile up around them due to Sam’s “fast metabolism”, as she says, that causes her to constantly be hungry. Lena doesn’t know how it’s possible to eat the way Sam does and somehow get thinner, but Sam always just grins at her between bites before pulling out another bag and offering to share.

That’s the thing about Sam. She will share anything with Lena, even if she’s starving.

Hours pass, and Lena finally manages to get some work done, even though her mind is miles away. When she checks the time, it’s approaching 5pm and she still hasn’t heard from Sam. She pulls her phone out again. 

_“Hey, you’ve reached Sam’s phone, you know what to do!”_

“Sam this isn’t funny alright,” Lena says sharply. “I’m getting worried. Just call me when you get this.”

She stares out the library windows at the waning sun and her heart drops as the anxiety settles into her stomach. What if something terrible has happened? Would she have a way of knowing? What if Sam is in trouble and can’t get to her phone? What if…

Lena stands abruptly, her mind already made up. She packs her bags quickly and races out of the library as fast as she can.

Sam had given her the address to her apartment a few weeks into their friendship in case Lena “ever needed it” -- her words, not Lena’s. She still isn’t sure what she would _need_ Sam’s address for, but she finds herself desperately thankful to have it on a day when phone calls are going unanswered and her blood pressure is at an all time high.

The apartment complex is modest, but nice enough. Lillian would turn her nose up at it, refusing to even set foot on the grounds, which somehow prompts the opposite reaction in Lena. On this fact alone, Lena decides the place is actually quite charming. There’s an older man walking his terrier by the small patch of grass near the garages, and a child on a bike furiously pumping his legs as he wobbles down the dead-end drive. There are sirens in the distance, the downside to being tucked away from a busy city, but Lena thinks the location is decent, all things considered. It must be rent controlled. Immediately she finds herself wondering how Sam affords it before chastising herself. It isn’t her business. And, besides, not everything is about wealth.

 _Thank God for that_ , she thinks. _I don’t need to be friends with another me._

She trudges through the parking lot and follows the walkway to building 5, squinting up at the identical doors to try to make out apartment #8.

Lena wraps her knuckles lightly on the door, wincing at the heaviness of the sound. She pauses and listens, disheartened by the silence. She knocks again, louder this time until she’s banging on the door in rhythm with her own escalating heart rate. 

“Sam!” Lena calls. Her fist hits the door again. “Sam, open up!”

The latch unlocks and flies open, and Lena almost falls forward into a very sallow, very tired looking Sam.

“Lena?” Sam asks, her voice raspy and low. She crosses her arms with a frown as she shuts the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”

“You look awful.” It tumbles out before Lena can think to say something - anything - else.

“So do you,” Sam quips. She starts to chuckle but it’s only a few seconds before she falls into a coughing fit. Lena winces as Sam struggles to catch her breath, pulling the straggly hair from her face. She straightens up and looks at her with a pointed glance as her fist covers her mouth. “I know why you’re here.”

“Oh really?” Lena feels her eyebrow automatically jut up with precision, a sword unsheathed in preparation for a war.

“You needed your coffee fix,” Sam deadpans.

“Very funny.” Lena rolls her eyes, shaking her head. Clearly Sam’s sarcasm is perfectly intact, even if she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. “I actually came here to make sure you were alive, thank you very much.”

“What’s the verdict?” Sam leans against the door frame with a tired smile.

Lena takes in her form, and notes the raggedy sweatshirt that hangs off Sam’s body, practically drowning her in the fabric. Sam has always been long and lean, but she looks even thinner, if that’s possible. There are lines under her eyes and her cheeks are crimson -- the painful kind, reminiscent of overheating, not of vitality -- and her mouth is turned down in an uncharacteristic frown.

“The jury is still out,” Lena decides after her assessment.

Sam laughs. “Well I appreciate you checking in on me, but I just have a cold.” She opens the door and begins to step back inside, careful to leave very little space for Lena to see behind her. “I don’t want to get you sick so--”

Lena steps forward, staring at Sam with a determined but silent stare.

 _If she thinks I’m leaving her like this, she’s crazy_.

Sam glances back over her shoulder, before turning back to Lena, her eyes narrowing like she’s deciding what to do next. Lena isn’t sure why Sam seems so overly concerned about her catching a cold, but she just stares past Sam into the dark hallway behind her and then into her eyes. Sam’s shoulders finally slump and she motions with her head for Lena to come in.

Lena crosses the threshold as Sam holds the door and she hears the dejected exhale behind her. She wonders briefly why Sam is acting so...guarded. It’s almost like they’ve traded places, with Lena barging in and being the forceful and open friend and Sam being the surly one, determined to keep secrets locked away forever. She glances back and offers a comforting smile, and Sam returns it with a half-hearted shrug.

 _It’s the sickness_ , Lena thinks. _She probably feels like she has to host now that I’m here_.

“Can I get you a drink?” Sam asks, confirming Lena’s thoughts. She pauses next to the kitchen, gesturing vaguely. Lena just shakes her head.

“You don’t have to do anything, you know. I’m really just here to make sure you’re okay. When was the last time someone checked on you?”

Sam grins and looks up at the ceiling briefly before her tired eyes flutter back to Lena’s.

“I guess it’s been awhile,” she admits softly. The words cause something to shift in Lena’s stomach and she recognizes the pang of loneliness. It’s something she’s intimately familiar with, she just never expected to see it written so plainly on Sam’s face.

Lena nods and follows as Sam heads back to the living room.

It should feel strange, being in Sam’s apartment for the first time, but it’s got a coziness to it that Lena’s cold brownstone simply lacks. There’s such care put into the little details -- framed pictures of the beach hanging in the living room, and matching coasters on the coffee table with a nautical theme -- all little trinkets that just scream _Sam_. The kitchen is also bright and sunshine-y, which is truly the only way Lena can think to describe it. There’s a sign off to the corner near the coffee maker that reads “Rise  & Grind” and all the dish towels that Lena can see have silly puns written on them. 

Her favorite, she decides, is the one hanging from the oven that shows a picture of a whisk with “Whip it good” written in white. She imagines Sam dancing around to Devo while cleaning, and she almost laughs out loud at what she’s sure is an accurate thought.

When she turns back around, Sam is curling up on the couch, tucking herself under a soft, navy blanket. She looks exhausted, and Lena remembers why she’s really here. She moves closer and without a word she presses the back of her hand to Sam’s forehead, the way Lex used to whenever she was feeling ill.  

Sam closes her eyes, and Lena feels the way her fingers burn against Sam’s skin.

“You’re burning up! Have you taken anything?” Lena scolds, checking Sam’s cheeks before remembering herself and hastily retreating her hands. She doesn’t know where the bold surge of comfort came from, as she isn’t really known to be so tactile. But Sam just grins at her like it’s another day.

“Yes _mom_ ,” Sam replies, with a soft eye roll. “I took Tylenol earlier. I’ve got some time yet before I’m due for more.”

Lena purses her lips and nods, before taking a seat on the far edge of the couch to give Sam enough room. She looks around awkwardly, drumming her fingers against her thighs as she stares around the room. The TV is on low, playing reruns of Chopped and Lena is grateful for the distraction. She hadn’t really planned this out, she realizes. With all her pent up anxiety over Sam’s disappearance, she didn’t stop to consider that she might just be taking a sick day. Now that she’s here, she feels embarrassed and completely useless.

 _Don’t just sit there,_ Lena thinks to herself. _At least offer to do something._

“This is funny,” Sam states, her voice muffled slightly by the pillows she’s leaning against.

“What is?" 

“You-- being here--” Sam turns slightly to smile at her, with an accusing gleam in her eye. “You actually care that I’m sick.” 

Lena feels the heat burn on her cheeks as she turns to Sam with a frown. “I don’t _care_ , you just weren’t answering your phone. For days, I might add.”

“You care.”

“No! I was just worried!” Lena says, exasperated. “I thought something happened!”

“Something did happen,” Sam says seriously. She shifts slightly and rests her head in her hand as she looks at Lena. “I was attacked by mucus. It was terrifying!” 

“You’re gross.” 

Sam tosses a pillow in Lena’s direction, but her aim is way off and it lands to the side. Lena smirks at Sam’s misfortune. 

“Well, I’m sorry,” Sam finally says. “I would have called if I knew you’d be this worried.”

“You should have!” Lena exclaims. Her anxiety over Sam begins to give way to annoyance -- mostly at herself for being so dramatic -- and she doesn’t want Sam to see her as _needy_. She picks the pillow up off the floor and clutches it to her chest. 

“For the record, I left my phone upstairs and when you have a fever, that’s like, really far away.” Lena rolls her eyes but Sam just smiles. “Don’t worry, Lena. From now on, you will _always_ hear from me.” 

“Good.”

The unmistakable sound of footsteps clunk overhead and Lena frowns. It sounds like an upstairs neighbor, but she’s fairly confident Sam is already on the top floor.  

“What’s that?” 

“Um -- that--” Sam hesitates as she glances guiltily over at Lena. She moves the blanket off herself and slowly gets to standing. “That is the real reason you haven’t heard from me in a few days. Listen, hold that thought, okay? I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Lena says slowly, uncomprehending. The word barely leaves her lips before Sam is disappearing up the stairs.  

Lena tries to shake the uncomfortable feeling that settles in her stomach at the idea of Sam hiding something -- that the illusion of her trustworthiness is about to be shattered -- but there’s no denying that Sam has been strange and secretive since Lena sat down. The Sam she knows is always loud and vibrant, making jokes and friends with everyone she meets. But this person…

Lena shivers. She doesn’t want secrets. She doesn’t want mysterious silence or walls built around off-limit topics. She just wants…

Sam.

She wants the Sam that she convinced herself couldn’t possibly be real, because how can someone be so carefree and fun? Sam approaches every day like it’s Saturday, and is always the one bringing Lena out of her own broody funks. Selfishly, she doesn’t want to know what Sam is going to tell her because it probably means the end of their friendship. Lena really doesn’t want to give up on the idea that for once, her life can be normal. Not yet.

Sam returns quicker than expected, and Lena braces herself. She walks in slowly, and Lena notices immediately that she is being trailed by small footsteps. Her eyes widen as a child -- a girl -- no older than 7 (at Lena’s best and most uneducated guess) peers out from behind Sam’s legs. Her face is an unmistakable match to the woman standing in front of her, her eyes the same deep, rich brown. Lena’s mind whirls trying to process this information but she barely gets to put two and two together before Sam clears her throat.

“Lena, this is Ruby,” Sam says, placing a gentle hand on the top of the girl’s head. She runs her fingers meticulously through her honey brown hair, the shade also identical to Sam’s, before looking back at Lena with a protective expression. “She’s my daughter.”

Lena’s eyes widen as she stares at Sam, eyeing her for any hint that she’s joking. There’s nothing but seriousness in her eyes, and Lena immediately fixes her attention on the girl, who rubs her eyes sleepily before a slow smile appears on her face. It crinkles in the corners exactly the way Sam’s does, and Lena feels the surprise adrenaline rush through her system.

“Your...daughter…” Lena repeats slowly, staring at Sam dumbly. She looks back at Ruby before swallowing all the words she can’t articulate and trying to start again. “Ruby. That’s a...what a beautiful name. I’m Lena.”

“That’s a _very_ beautiful name,” Ruby says quietly. “Lena.” She repeats it like she’s verifying the information before nodding. She turns back to Sam and tugs on her sweater, a frown returning to her face.

“Mommm…” she whines, and Sam sighs.  

“This is the reason I’ve been out of touch, and also why I’m a bit under the weather. She had a fever all weekend, and then I just started feeling awful,” Sam explains with a chuckle. “Now we’re both sick, aren’t we Rubes?”

Ruby nods and looks back at Lena cautiously. “Are you a doctor?”

“Oh-- gosh, no, I’m--” Lena rushes to explain, looking to Sam for help.

“Sweetie, Lena goes to school with me,” Sam explains, hugging Ruby into her hip. “She’s mom’s best friend.”

“That’s so cool,” Ruby says, looking back at Lena with a dazzled expression.

Lena forces a smile on her face as she nods awkwardly at the endearment. Sam winks before turning to Ruby and ushering her into the kitchen.

“We’ll be right back,” she says over her shoulder to Lena.

There’s shuffling in the kitchen and hushed voices as Lena listens to Sam try to coax Ruby to take more medicine. There’s a watery voice that tries to resist, and then soft giggles that seem to indicate that trouble has been avoided. They return to the living room.

“My mom thinks you're really pretty.”

Lena startles at the compliment and actually looks around before she realizes Ruby is talking to her.

“That’s -- incredibly kind," Lena replies, throwing a questioning look at Sam, who simply shrugs.

"I think you are too," Ruby says with a smile.  

"Well, I think you're both beautiful." Lena returns her smile before locking eyes with Sam again. She watches the way Sam clears her throat and stares at the ground, and Lena feels the way her own cheeks ignite.

Ruby beams and then turns to Sam.

“Can I watch a movie before bed?”

“Sure, I’ll be right up to put it on for you,” Sam says. She turns back to Lena with a soft expression and Lena simply nods. Her mind is still on auto-pilot as she tries to digest the fact that Sam, her Sam, has a _daughter_. And, for all intents and purposes, she tells her daughter that Lena is pretty.

With the two of them back upstairs, Lena glances around the room again like she’s seeing it for the first time. Suddenly everything seems to come to life and she catches all the things she failed to notice on her first go-around. The picture frame in the corner next to the TV with two smiling faces -- Sam and Ruby with their arms around each other, laughing into the camera -- only slightly hidden from sight. The random assortment of Disney DVDs stacked haphazardly under the entertainment center, where anyone searching would assume that the apartment contains a child. She looks back into the kitchen and sees the artwork on the fridge, plastered there with alphabet magnets that she can’t believe she didn’t see before. It’s embarrassing for how obvious it all is, but Lena had been so focused on Sam that she simply didn’t pay attention.

When Sam returns, she looks even more exhausted as she plops down onto the couch.

“You’re still here.”

“You sound surprised.”

“I am, actually,” Sam admits. “I figured you’d be heading for the hills right about now.”

“Is that something you think I’d do?”

“I wouldn’t blame you,” she says as she reaches for the water glass on her coffee table. She frowns as she realizes it’s empty. Lena stands and motions for it, and Sam looks at her reluctantly. “Seriously?”

“I think I’m capable of pouring you a glass of water, Sam,” Lena says sharply. Sam’s features soften and she looks at her with such gratitude that Lena feels like she offered to to do something monumental instead of just pour her a drink.  

Lena goes into the kitchen, more for an excuse to get her bearings away from Sam’s watchful eyes. She isn’t upset that Sam kept this from her, because it’s a huge thing to decide to tell someone, but she’s more upset about what it all means. Sam isn’t just sunshine and happy-go-lucky the way she always seems. She has more responsibilities than Lena can even comprehend, so many that it makes all of Lena’s own problems seem so insignificant. Her family drama and constant brooding must seem so trivial to Sam, that she feels almost embarrassed to face her again. Lena was always in awe, and almost jealous, of Sam’s intellectual capabilities, but the fact that she does all of this and has been raising a child just blows Lena’s mind. She finds that it only adds to the ever growing admiration that she has for Sam Arias.

 _How can she take me seriously?_ Lena mumbles under her breath. _She probably thinks I’m so weak._

“I don’t,” Sam replies, and Lena startles. She almost drops the glass in her hand but recovers just in time. She turns to see Sam walking toward her with glistening eyes. “I don’t think you’re weak.” 

“You should,” Lena responds. She tries to laugh, but it just comes out as a heavy exhale. “I complain about the most ridiculous things, and here you are…”

“We’ve both been dealt an interesting hand,” Sam says softly. She places her hand, still warm with fever, over Lena’s. “It doesn’t mean I have it worse than you or think less of your struggles. I don’t think I could deal with all the pressure your family puts on you.”

Lena shakes her head and sniffs, trying to keep her emotions from getting the best of her. She hands the water glass to Sam and gestures back to the couch.

“Go, sit. I’ll make you some tea, I think it’ll help your throat.”

“You don’t have--" 

“It’s the least I can do.”

Sam nods and shuffles back to the living room, leaving Lena to her own devices in the kitchen. She manages to find the tea, and a can of chicken soup, which she gets started on the stove. She peeks in at Sam, who is curled back up on the couch, her attention focused on the TV.

“What’s all this?” Sam asks as Lena comes back with a tray of hot liquids and some crackers she found in the cupboard. She places it down on the coffee table as Sam sits up with a curious grin.

“I’ve been here for over an hour and you haven’t eaten, which is terrifying,” Lena attempts to make a joke, and Sam smiles. “I thought this might help.” 

“You’re just full of surprises Lena Luthor,” Sam replies, picking up the spoon and stirring the soup. “Who knew you could be so...loving?”

“What does love have to do with it?” Lena retorts, shaking her head. For some reason, the word causes a dull ache in her chest and she quickly talks over the feeling. ”It’s what anyone would do.”

Sam nods, unconvinced. “Mm-hmm.”

“I’m not the only one with surprises,” Lena starts, looking cautiously at her friend. She smiles in spite of herself at the thought of Ruby and how she smiles just like Sam. “Now that I’ve processed this a bit--”

“I have a daughter,” Sam states plainly.

“You have a daughter. I...how?”

Sam waggles her eyebrows and laughs, and Lena shakes her head. 

“I mean, I know _how_ , I just--” Lena runs her fingers through her hair nervously. “I had no idea. How do you do it? You’re in classes full time and you’re here all alone…” 

“Ouch.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t what I--”

“Relax, I’m kidding,” Sam grins, waving her hand dismissively. She takes a sip of the tea and closes her eyes for a second, the smile drawing out slowly over her face. Lena feels the tug in her chest that always seems to make an appearance when Sam is happy. She quickly tries to dismiss it. Sam places the cup back down before speaking. ”Yep. It’s just me and Ruby, always has been. My adopted mother kicked me out when I found out I was pregnant with her, so we’ve been on our own ever since.” 

“And...her father?”

Sam shakes her head vigorously. “No.”

Lena doesn’t push, as it seems to be a direction Sam doesn’t want to go. “I’m adopted too,” she offers instead.

“Small world,” Sam replies. “Who knew we had so much in common?”

The way she says it makes Lena think Sam has always known, or at least she doesn’t find their connection as bizarre as Lena does. But then again, Lena doesn’t have many friendships to base this analysis on. 

“But I never would have known you had a child,” Lena continues. “You’re always just so...free.”

“It’s not something I go around telling people, but you’re different.” Sam shrugs, but still looks at Lena with sincerity. It makes Lena’s heart trip over itself as the word _different_ suddenly carries a more positive meaning. “Anyway, I’m not the most graceful at it. I’m always behind on something. Some days are just… a lot.” 

“I can’t even imagine,” Lena agrees. She reaches for the discarded throw pillow and brings it to her chest again. “Well, she’s beautiful. I don’t doubt you’re an amazing mother.”

“Thank you,” Sam says softly. She looks over her tea cup at Lena, her dark eyes somehow even deeper when she’s being serious. “That’s really sweet.”

“Thank you for telling me about her,” Lena says. She pulls at the fabric of the pillow and avoids Sam’s eyes.

“I would have eventually,” Sam promises. “I was just trying to find the right time. It’s hard enough to make friends these days and even harder for me. Not that I would ever trade Ruby for the world, but…it does complicate things.”

“Of course,” Lena says. “I understand.”

They sit in a comfortable silence after that, Sam sipping at her tea and Lena drowsily watching TV. When Sam starts to stir after awhile, Lena looks over.

“I should check on Ruby,” she says, placing her hand to her head and closing her eyes. “In a minute.”

“Let me do it. You rest,” Lena assures her. She doesn’t know the first thing about actually checking on a child, but Sam looks so wiped out that it would be heartless not to offer.  

“Okay,” Sam agrees, nodding with her eyes still closed. She opens them and looks at Lena. “Call for me if you need anything.”

When Lena opens the door to Ruby’s room, she finds her tucked away and fast asleep, which is a relief since she really hadn’t planned what to do or say if she had been awake. She quietly slips further into the room, watching Ruby for a few moments and marveling at the way her face looks so much like Sam’s. It’s especially obvious when it’s relaxed with sleep, and it hits Lena with so much feeling that she almost has to look away to catch her breath.  

She doesn’t know the first thing about children, or taking care of one, but seeing Ruby curled up innocently sparks something protective in Lena’s chest. She hates that Sam and Ruby have been exiled -- that they are outsiders, like her-- because she is all too familiar with the pain of rejection. And even though Sam is a monument of strength, she makes a silent promise to the night that Ruby will always have at least two people looking out for her from now on.

“Sleep well, darling,” she whispers into the darkness, closing the door quietly behind her.

When she returns, she finds Sam curled up and asleep in a very similar position to her daughter. Lena grins at the way they both rest on their sides, with their hands tucked under their chin. Lena doesn’t know why she feels like taking care of Sam is her responsibility, but it just _is_. It’s something she wants to do, which is another terrifying realization, because it means she really does care, after all. She gently moves the soft brown hair out of Sam’s face, placing it behind her ear. She leans down and places a soft kiss on Sam’s forehead, which is something she would never do to anyone else. But it’s Sam, and that seems to be the excuse for most of her out of character habits these days. She exhales in relief as she feels that Sam’s skin is much cooler now, the fever apparently broken.

“Sweet dreams Sammy,” she whispers, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

She contemplates heading home, but decides against it. For one, she’s too worried about Sam waking up in the middle of the night and needing something, or, worse, Ruby waking up with a fever again.  

 _Is this what it’s like to have kids?_ Lena wonders. _The never-ending fear that something is broken?_

Ruby isn’t even hers, but the fact that she’s sick has Lena jittery with anxiety. She doesn’t think she will ever understand how Sam makes it look so easy. Even sprawled out on her couch with the flu she just makes everything seem effortless -- school, parenting, life. It’s amazing, truly, and Lena wonders if she will ever come close to being as put together as Sam. Maybe only in one area of her life, but never in all of them.

She glances over to Sam’s sleeping form again, her long legs peeking out from under her blanket. Lena knows Sam and Ruby have always been on their own, and it probably isn’t the first time they’ve both been sick, but how can she just turn away from her friend after knowing what she knows?

She pulls a blanket out from the basket next to the loveseat and pulls it over her. The sofa is just long enough for her to tuck her body into fairly comfortably, and within minutes, she’s drifting into sleep and leaving her worries behind.

The night must pass without event, because the next thing she knows it’s morning and she hears soft voices whispering around her. It takes her several minutes to remember falling asleep on Sam’s couch and all the events of the previous day. She keeps her eyes closed as she listens to Sam getting Ruby ready for school.

“Can’t I stay home with you?” Ruby asks.

“Not today, I can already tell you’re doing much better,” Sam replies. Lena can hear the smile in her voice, and she relaxes at the fact that they both sound much better than yesterday.

“Lena is really nice, Mom,” Ruby says suddenly. Lena’s heart spikes at the mention of her own name. “Can you invite her over more?”

“Yeah, I think I will,” Sam agrees. “Now hurry! The bus is going to be here soon!”

Lena hears the door slam and listens as a bus rumbles outside the window. She opens her eyes finally and sits up slowly just as Sam comes back into the room.

“You stayed?” she asks, looking over at her with a typical Sam smirk.  

“I--” Lena starts, rubbing the tiredness from her face and glancing around the bright room. ”Yeah, I-- Yeah.”

Sam nods at this, like it’s the right answer. “I like that,” she says definitively and Lena immediately relaxes.

“You look better. Do you feel better?” Lena asks.  

“I do, I think the fever finally broke. It must have been that soup,” Sam winks and Lena feels the unnecessary blush creep along her cheeks. “I’ll make us some coffee. I know I owe you some.”

“Oh stop--” 

“Are you really going to turn it down?”

Lena snaps her mouth shut at that, and Sam giggles as she turns to the kitchen. Lena busies herself with pulling her hair into a sloppy bun, listening as Sam opens cupboards and starts humming. She can hear the tinny sound of a radio playing, and she leans forward to look into the other room. Tina Turner’s raspy voice radiates from the speakers and Lena looks just in time to see Sam, hips moving to the beat as she mouths the lyrics.

 _But whatever the reason you do it for me..._  Sam turns and catches Lena's eye, bursting into a cheerful grin. She scrunches her face as she puts her fist up to her mouth and pretends to sing. _What's love got to do, got to do with it?_

A lot, apparently, Lena thinks as her cheeks flush with what she's almost admitted out loud. She smiles at Sam's performance, catching the wink she throws casually over the words before turning back to get the coffee going.

Sam eventually returns to the living room with fresh coffee and bagels that Lena swears she must have procured from thin air.

“I always keep some frozen,” Sam says, answering Lena’s unspoken question. “You never want to be without carbs.” 

“No I suppose not,” Lena laughs, taking a sesame seed bagel for herself.

Sam pours extra sugar into her coffee and then slides Lena’s regular black coffee over, her face scrunched in mild disgust the way it always is. She hates the way black coffee tastes, and she makes it abundantly clear to Lena every time she hands it over.

“Did you really mean what you said?” Lena eventually asks unprompted as she focuses on pulling her bagel apart.

“About carbs? Uh, yeah,” Sam says, chewing thoughtfully.

“Not that--” Lena shakes her head. “What you said to Ruby yesterday...about me.”

“I don’t recall. I had a fever, you know. I probably said all kinds of crazy things,” Sam grins and Lena feels the way her heart drops. She doesn't expect Sam's nonchalance to have such a negative effect, but it does. It must show on her face, because Sam’s brows furrow as she looks back at her. “Of course I meant it, you nerd. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. And--” Sam pauses, her eyes still holding that hint of teasing spark in them. "I really do think you're pretty, in case you were wondering about that too."

Lena isn’t sure why it matters so much, or why Sam complimenting her or taking the time to mention that Lena is her _best_ friend makes her feel like she can move mountains, but it does. It matters in ways she can’t explain, but when she looks over at Sam’s caring smile, she thinks maybe she doesn’t have to. Sam just...knows.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Sam,” Lena says. Suddenly it becomes drastically important that Sam understands this. Lena needs her to know she isn’t on her own anymore. Not if Lena has anything to say about it. 

“I’m used to it.”

“Well, get unused to it,” Lena insists. “I’m not going to let you do this by yourself.” 

“Are you threatening me with your loyalty?” Sam laughs, and Lena realizes that her jaw is clenched and her face is far too serious. She relaxes and chuckles to herself.

“I guess I am,” she concedes, looking down at her hands. Sam tilts her head and looks at her before standing up from her spot on the couch. She sits next to Lena and throws her arms around her, pulling her in close and resting her chin on her shoulder. 

“Thank you,” Sam whispers into her ear. Lena just pulls her closer nodding slightly as their foreheads touch in earnest; a silent promise under fluttering eyelashes that Lena keeps tucked in her heart for as long as she is able.

Xxxx 

_“Hey, you’ve reached Sam’s phone, you know what to do!”_

“Hey it’s me -- it’s uh, it’s Alex. I should have texted you, probably. Um, anyway, a bunch of us are going to the bar later tonight for karaoke and I was just wondering -- I mean, you don’t have to, and I know it’s really last minute, with Ruby and work and everything--” Alex’s voice trails off with a shaky pause. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to invite you. No pressure! But yeah I’d -- we would all --  love to see you. Okay, so, I’ll text you the address just in case! Bye…”

Sam presses ‘End’ on the voicemail and glances up sheepishly. Lena is glad that she’s finally awake and even though they haven’t established a cure for Sam’s situation, she’s happy that Alex’s call has put her in decent spirits.

“That was cute,” Lena says, glancing over her iPad as she watches Sam fumble awkwardly with her phone. 

“Stop…” Sam rolls her eyes.

“I’m just saying…” Lena shrugs, pretending it doesn’t stick in her chest uncomfortably. “She likes you.”

“She’s sweet.”

“She is.”

“Are you going to text her back for me too?” Sam asks with a challenging smile.

“Maybe if I did, you’d actually go on a date,” Lena bites back. Sam scrunches her nose and Lena swallows back the tightening in her throat when she does.

There’s a heavy silence that follows, filled with too many unspoken excuses, too many months of questions. Lena wants Sam to have someone -- someone who is strong enough to be there with her through everything -- and who doesn’t bring unnecessary threats because of a last name. No matter how Lena feels about Sam, she still carries a heavy legacy and an even bigger target wherever she goes. The same risks still apply, just like they always have. Maybe more so now than ever, but running away isn’t an option anymore.

Sam reaches over to the table next to the hospital bed and picks up the photograph that Lena had placed there while she was sleeping. Sam touches the faces in the frame, her eyes welling with tears.

“I love this picture.” 

“I thought you might want it with you,” Lena says. “A little taste of home while we figure this out.”

“You should have brought the other one, too,” Sam says. “You know..”

“Sam...” Lena cuts in sternly. She doesn’t want to go there. Not right now. There’s too much going on already, and it’s heavy enough without the past.

“I’ve always liked the pictures better with you in them,” Sam says, clenching her jaw slightly as she stares up at Lena over the frame of the one in her hand. She sighs and places the photograph back on the table.

Lena doesn’t answer that. How can she? She’s always liked having a family, too. Instead, she focuses on adjusting the electrodes for the EKG along Sam’s chest and pretending that she doesn’t want to pull her close and kiss away all the pain she’s put Sam through.

“You don’t have to worry about Ruby,” Lena says, pivoting the subject. “I’ll be sure to--”

“Don’t tell me where she is.” Lena frowns as Sam reaches to stop her hands. “You keep her away from me until I'm cured. Please. Promise me.”

Lena feels the pressure build behind her eyes as she blinks away the tears. She nods, faking a smile as Sam stares at her, her eyes pleading desperately.

 _Don’t let me hurt her_ is all Lena hears in Sam's expression.

“I’m scared Lena,” Sam whispers, placing a shaky hand over Lena’s working wrist. “I…” 

“I know,” Lena says. She feels the way her own voice cracks as their eyes meet. Sam frowns. “We’re gonna get you through this, Sam.”

“I need you.”

Lena sighs, dropping her hands from the wiring and losing the rest of her stubborn resolve. She looks at Sam’s face. She has the same scared look in her eyes that she did when she blacked out in Lena’s office -- the same scared face Ruby gets after nightmares -- and Lena’s heart breaks even more. She doesn't think about the risks, and the technical danger that Sam currently poses as an actual super villain who could turn on her in the blink of an eye. Instead, she gestures with her head for Sam to move over and make room. Sam slides her slender frame to the side, allowing Lena enough space to share the bed. Lena crawls in beside her, tucking her legs in carefully before pulling Sam in close. Sam exhales heavily, the sob getting lost against Lena’s shoulder. She cradles Sam’s head gently into her chest and whispers softly into the locks of her hair.

“I’m here.”

**Author's Note:**

> what's love got to do with it? @stennnn06 on tumblr


End file.
